5th June 2015 and a 10:00 am flight. It was the first time I was going abroad without buying a return ticket. I was very excited after meeting people who hadn’t met me in years. My friends arranged multiple farewell surprises and I felt like I was the most important person in the lives of people who knew me; after all I was going for good. I loved every bit of leaving the country I was born in.
Before leaving Pakistan:
I was sure about what I felt for Pakistan; I wanted to go away from this country. I had planned my education, my potential partner and my life, everything in accordance to me fleeing away from Pakistan. After all I heard every elder person in my family say, “akhir rakha kia he is mulk me?”
I hated the weather, the people, the roads and despised the lack of opportunities. On every signal there would be a beggar, on every road there would be an uncovered gutter, in every public bathroom there would be dirt, on every news channel there would be a breaking news about a bomb blast, on every corner there would be people snatching phones, on every other day there would be a hartal (strike) by a leader who wouldn’t visit the city/country himself.
Here is the worst, I had to pay hefty amount for visas. After all what did the green passport offer? A visa free entry to Kenya? Who even wants to go there? I wanted to see Disney Land in Florida. But, the amreekan (americans) wouldn’t give my mother a visit Visa because of her green passport!
When my father told me that we are leaving the country for good I was on the seventh sky! I asked him, “ Will I study with the gora (white) people? Will I see the London eye? Please promise me that we won’t come back. After five years, am I really going to hold a burgundy red passport instead of the green one?”
I had wished and planned to stay there for my entire life and travel the world without paying visa fee. But as usual, reality took over;
15th November 2015 and a 1:00 pm flight. I bought my return ticket and I was going back to my country after staying away from it for 5 months. I was very excited to meet people I had met 5 months ago. My friends arranged multiple welcome back surprises and I felt like I was the most important person in the lives of people who knew me, after all I was coming back for good. I loved every bit of going back to the country I was born in. I wasn’t sure about what I felt about Pakistan; I had MIXED FEELINGS for this country.
Come back soon to know the mixed feelings.
Love,
Ammarah!
Ammarah Imran 